by In Church.” The above topic I have heard so many times in my life and this morning as I read my devotional a thought struck me. How do I put this? No matter how I put this – it may hurt – so I will just lay it out there. “Our actions and attitudes are contagious. If parents are happy – the children will be happy. If parents are sad – then children be sad. So, if parents are gossiping about the church and seem unhappy at church, how can parents expect their children to be content and happy with church?”
Let me give a short story to help explain what I am trying to say.
Many, many years ago, a Pastor told us this story. “I normally do not like staying in other people’s houses because all they typically do is bad mouth their Pastor, and their church. Only once have I stayed with a family who did not bad mouth their Pastor and their church.”
Let me reiterate this thought. Children learn from their parents.
Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Everything parents do is training their children. Even when parents do not think they are teaching and training their children – they are training their children.
First, a few examples of things children learn that parents do cognitively think about:
- Eating, walking, talking, reading
- Working and taking care of a family
- Loving nature, the beach, mountains and God’s earth
- Loving sports, or crafts and hobbies, etc.
Second, a few examples of things children learn that parents do not cognitively think about:
- Staying up late, sleeping in late, rushing to school or work
- Dominating attitudes and emotions such as happiness or grumpiness, etc.
- Deceitfulness or honesty
- Sinful characteristics
- Sunday morning church service is all that is needed
- Happiness at church or despising the church
Third, a few examples of things the younger children in the house may be learning from the older children in the house. Of course the older children were taught by the parents.
- Personality traits like shyness or boldness
- Helping around the house or not
- Obeying Mom and Dad or not, etc.
Okay, back to our verse.
Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
There are numerous things parents teach their children. Many things parents are aware of, but somethings slip by and children learn things unbeknownst to their parents until years later.
I believe one of the major things parents teach their children is to love and enjoy church or not.
I do not believe any parent, in their right mind, would set out with the intentions of teaching their children to dislike church and the Pastor. Yet, over many years of gossiping about the church and the Pastor, many children grow up with a hidden hatred towards their church and their Pastor. Now, I know most parents at this point would say, “I’ve never gossiped about the church. I’ve never said anything bad about the Pastor.”
Let me say this, “If parents are not saying positive comments about the church and the Pastor, then their comments are considered negative and gossip. The children are soaking it all in for about 18-20 years of their life. They are like sponges and soaking in everything parents radiate in their life.”
Most of the times it happens in the car ride home from church service. Think about it now and be honest with oneself. “There is no one monitoring this blog so no one knows your answers to this but you and God. On the last few car rides home from church was there excitement about the church service? Were positive and encouraging things said about the church or were negative comments made about church?” Let’s look at some of the typical negative comments about church.
- The music wasn’t very good today.
- I didn’t learn much from the preaching.
- The Preacher preached too long.
- The Preacher didn’t preach long enough.
- The Preacher had grammar issues in his message.
- No one said “Hi” to me.
- Someone sat in my seat.
- There should be more ministries at the church.
- There should be less ministries at the church.
- The children were out of control. They were loud and running everywhere.
- No one asked me to do anything.
- People asked me to do too much.
- I do not feel like I belong here.
- No one from the church ever comes to visit me.
- No one ever calls me.
- Etc. Etc.
Years go by and many parents ask themselves, “What did we do wrong? We had our children in church, yet as a teen or adult, they want nothing to do with church. Where did we go wrong?”
Now let me say this, “Not every child who has grown up and left the church has done this as a direct result of the parents. Many children have been raised right, but they chose to ignore God in their life. All we can do for them when this happens is pray. Do not beat yourself up. You know you did right and you can stand before God with confidence knowing you did your best to raise your children to be God fearing children.”
Now for the children who are still at home. Each parent should evaluate their attitudes towards the church. Each parent should ask themselves, “Have I shown a positive attitude about church and the Pastor at ALL times in my child’s life?” If the answer is “No,” – then change. Pray to God about any bad attitudes and go to your children and tell them you have been wrong. “Yes, it is okay to apologize to your children. They need to see that Mom and Dad are not perfect either.”
So a quick summary. How can parents keep their children in church when they are grown? Train them up to love and enjoy the church and the Pastor.
Ephesians 6:4 “And, ye fathers…bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”
Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
